Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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