i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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