I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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