I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
