Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
