I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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