I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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