I met the friendliest cop last night
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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