I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
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you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
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Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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