i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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