Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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