He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
