Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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