Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
