what day is it and did you see me today?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wish you could order shots online.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
