I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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