Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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