I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
