oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
someone owes me an orgasm
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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