i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
