from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
pray to the hookup gods
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
