just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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