one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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