I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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