Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
