They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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