bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
