I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think I sprained my soul last night
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You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
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