How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
