Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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