i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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