I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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