Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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