You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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