somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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