um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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