I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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