we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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