he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
