Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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