margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
