I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
