You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
