why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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