Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
birth control should be required to get into college
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
