U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
