Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
