I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I touched a dick in church today
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
