i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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