What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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