I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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