Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
