You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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