READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
