she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
