So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
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5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
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Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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