I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize