So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
