Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
