Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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