I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
