please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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